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Explain Your Actions

Part of Shidduchim 101 – Part 2

A girl who is on a date is very nervous. Everything the boy does is over-interpreted. Therefore, it is smart for a boy to explain actions that the girl may not expect, even when he thinks that they are self-explanatory, and won’t cause her to be alarmed. For example, when you get into the car say, “sometimes I will need to concentrate on driving and will not be able to talk during those moments.” This way, when he stops talking because he is concentrating on the road, she won’t get nervous, thinking that she said something wrong which made him upset. Often, if a girl thinks that the boy doesn’t care for her, everything else he says or does will be interpreted as such. Additionally, a girl feel reassured when she knows that the boy is a safe driver and responsible person.

To give another example; It was mentioned earlier that the first date should be one and a half to two hours. A girl is generally expecting a three hour date. When she is dropped off “early,” she starts thinking that something is wrong, that he must be unhappy with something, etc. The simple solution to this is to nonchalantly mention towards the beginning of the date that you plan on keeping the first date to a shorter amount of time. This way, she knows what to expect, and won’t be caught by surprise.

Even a simple thing like pulling over to the side of the road unexpectedly, or looking down at the floor when surrounded by פריצות can make a girl very nervous. Such actions should be explained as soon as possible.

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