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Focus On Her

Part of Shidduchim 101 – Part 4

Some boys make the mistake of focusing conversation on showing themself off. The boy talks about his מעלות, and other topics relating to himself. There are a few reasons why this is a mistake. First of all, a girl wants a husband who cares for her. She does want to respect him and have similar interests and goals, but what’s most important to her is relationships and feelings. She feels good when the boy is interested in her, instead of himself. Moreover, there is no need to prove your qualities. She will pick up on everything that is important to her on her own. Additionally, you need to make sure you gather a complete picture of who the girl really is.

The best thing is to ask her more and more about her. Of course, when the natural thing is to say something about yourself, don’t refrain from it, just don’t make that into your focus. Obviously, when she asks questions about you, answer fully. This is part of caring; listening and valuing what she says.

One Response

  1. but yes, when you want to say something, say it. it’s ok to give a full story- she wants to hear. and when she says a story make it clear that you want to hear more. ask her for more details… how she felt… this will help her feel open and connected. if you don’t share much, she won’t feel comfortable sharing. and if you jsut keep responding to each story with your own stories without FIRST expressing interest in what she’s saying then yes, she won’t feel cared for.

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