Focus On Her (Shidduchim 101 – Part 4)

Some boys make the mistake of focusing conversation on showing themself off. The boy talks about his מעלות, and other topics relating to himself. There are a few reasons why this is a mistake. First of all, a girl wants a husband who cares for her. She does want to respect him and have similar interests and goals, but what’s most important to her is relationships and feelings. She feels good when the boy is interested in her, instead of himself. Moreover, there is no need to prove your qualities. She will pick up on everything that is important to her on her own. Additionally, you need to make sure you gather a complete picture of who the girl really is.


The best thing is to ask her more and more about her. Of course, when the natural thing is to say something about yourself, don’t refrain from it, just don’t make that into your focus. Obviously, when she asks questions about you, answer fully. This is part of caring; listening and valuing what she says.

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