holding

Holding Open The Car Door (Shidduchim 101 – Part 3)

A girl wants to feel taken care of by her future husband. When a boy holds open the door for her, she gets this sensation. Of course, he isn’t really taking care of her yet, but her feelings may mean more to her than reality. When the boy fumbles with the keys, it ruins this sensation, and the effect of holding open the door is lost. However, if he doesn’t open the door, she may think that he doesn’t care about her. Therefore, if you forget to open the door, just say “oh, I forgot to open the door.” This way she understands what you were thinking, and won’t hold it against you.

Many boys would rather skip this whole show. It seems pointless to make believe he is taking care of a girl who is really still a stranger to him. You may want to consider this. The first time, open the door and say “it seems a little bit strange to me, but this is what I was told to do.” Many girls will answer “it’s ok, I’ll do it myself.” If she wants it anyway, well, then do so. However, depending on the girl’s personality and her family’s origin, this may be very important to her. She may be offended that he doesn’t show interest in pampering her. Every boy and every girl are different.

question

Explain Your Actions (Shidduchim 101 – Part 2)

A girl who is on a date is very nervous. Everything the boy does is over-interpreted. Therefore, it is smart for a boy to explain actions that the girl may not expect, even when he thinks that they are self-explanatory, and won’t cause her to be alarmed. For example, when you get into the car say, “sometimes I will need to concentrate on driving and will not be able to talk during those moments.” This way, when he stops talking because he is concentrating on the road, she won’t get nervous, thinking that she said something wrong which made him upset. Often, if a girl thinks that the boy doesn’t care for her, everything else he says or does will be interpreted as such. Additionally, a girl feel reassured when she knows that the boy is a safe driver and responsible person.

To give another example; It was mentioned earlier that the first date should be one and a half to two hours. A girl is generally expecting a three hour date. When she is dropped off “early,” she starts thinking that something is wrong, that he must be unhappy with something, etc. The simple solution to this is to nonchalantly mention towards the beginning of the date that you plan on keeping the first date to a shorter amount of time. This way, she knows what to expect, and won’t be caught by surprise.

Even a simple thing like pulling over to the side of the road unexpectedly, or looking down at the floor when surrounded by פריצות can make a girl very nervous. Such actions should be explained as soon as possible.

What do you think? Let us know below!