Shidduchim for Dummies
Firstly, prepare a דבר תורה in case you would like to tell it to the girl’s father. Also, make sure you have the girl’s address, a place to go (and a backup), a car, and a GPS. Prepare a list of conversation starters. The best idea is to memorize it. As a backup, keep it […]
Choosing
Saying yes or no to a שידוך is a very sensitive topic. Every case is different, and it’s hard to give universal rules. It is imperative to seek the advice of דעת תורה as each case is unique in its nuances and determining factors. Parental advice is also usually very helpful with this, as parents […]
Where To Go
The first date usually takes place at a lounge. If you’re located in Brooklyn, the Brooklyn Marriott is a very popular option. As you enter, make sure to ask her if she recognizes anyone and if this makes her uncomfortable. (This is especially important at a place like the Brooklyn Marriot, which is a very […]
Conversation
Imagine a new בחור in ישיבה sits down next to you during lunch. You ask “What is your name? Where are you from?” Would you then start discussing how you react when you get angry? Of course not. You wouldn’t even bring up less sensitive השקפה topics. However, as time goes on, you get to […]
Decide Based On Her Feelings
A girl wants to feel that the boy is taking care of her. She wants him to take the lead. If asked “What do you want?” some girls will answer clearly, while others will reply “Whatever you want.” However, even a girl who doesn’t explicitly state her opinion would like him to decide based on […]
Show Care But Not Affection
Part of Shidduchim 101 – Part 6 Obviously, it is inappropriate to show any affection before becoming engaged. However, caring is not affection. Caring means being interested in her well-being, i.e. both physical and emotional comfort. On a date, the boy should focus on making the girl feel comfortable. This alleviates some of the uneasiness […]
Look Put Together And Show Yourself
A boy who is not so put together will probably marry a girl who isn’t particular about looks. Nevertheless, appearances make a difference to every girl. A boy in שידוכים needs to always look put together, never shlumpy, flying, or unkempt. This is true even when he is not on a date, as people will […]
Focus On Her
Part of Shidduchim 101 – Part 4 Some boys make the mistake of focusing conversation on showing themself off. The boy talks about his מעלות, and other topics relating to himself. There are a few reasons why this is a mistake. First of all, a girl wants a husband who cares for her. She does […]
Holding Open The Car Door
Part of Shidduchim 101 – Part 3 A girl wants to feel taken care of by her future husband. When a boy holds open the door for her, she gets this sensation. Of course, he isn’t really taking care of her yet, but her feelings may mean more to her than reality. When the boy […]
Explain Your Actions
Part of Shidduchim 101 – Part 2 A girl who is on a date is very nervous. Everything the boy does is over-interpreted. Therefore, it is smart for a boy to explain actions that the girl may not expect, even when he thinks that they are self-explanatory, and won’t cause her to be alarmed. For […]
